I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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