I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am available for nakedness
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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