Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
