You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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