What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
