Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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