Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
