He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
