You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
