is your mom at the bar?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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