Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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