I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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