i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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