this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
