someone get that fucking seahorse.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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