it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
