This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
