Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
