What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
