I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
