I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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