i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
