shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
