dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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