she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize