You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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