there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
