Umm I'm too high to move.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
zippers are such a cool invention
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
