actually, I'm a sock model
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
