You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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