Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
