So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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