There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
