I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think I sprained my soul last night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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