before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
