Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
