Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And then my night got REAL pukey
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
