I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
