I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize