She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
