can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
