so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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