Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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