on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
