tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
