Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize