the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
