I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
