yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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