the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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