I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
