I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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