some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
