I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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