So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
