I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
