she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Someone signed my nipple.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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