When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
