the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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