Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
