I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
