I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
