i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize