Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
cat food counts as protein by the way
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
